The Phone Call

It's really hard for me to go to sleep tonight. I had another relatively bad day. The bad days seem to be stacking up and compounding on each other.

Today, it was all about a phone call. It was him. He made me smile. He made me giddy. Then it seemed to end so quickly out of the blue. What could have been was very promising. His reasoning made it seem as if nothing was personal. I guess that's a good thing.

I keep on hearing from friends, 'You're a great guy. Great catch. Anyone would be lucky to have you. You're smart, funny, attractive and very accomplished.'

I think I can hear that a million times and never absorb it. I guess maybe I feel friends aren't lovers, so it can go in one ear and out the other.

Part of it has to do with me taking compliments. I'm not used to it. It's a relatively new phenomena for me to deal with... maybe in the past 2 or so years. I guess absorbing and accepting compliments is a downfall of mine. It's most definitely related to my past of being a heavier guy.

I'm trying to tell myself it's not me, but it's starting to get very hard to believe.