Ending Toxic Relationships

More recently I've chosen to end a toxic relationship. Not because I didn't like the person, but I didn't like what they were about. What they represented. How they went through the motions. What they chose to believe. Who they chose to believe. Why they were passionate about things. Who they surrounded themselves by. The list can go on. This still doesn't mean they were a bad person by any means. Quite the contrary. There were many things I loved about the person, too. But it never reached the point of loving the person.

I still care for the person. But it's one of those things where you hope they snap out of it and enter reality. Look at the things that really matter in life. Making a life for themselves with things that matter. And most importantly, doing something that makes them who they are not not relying on the success of others. I refused to let it get to the point of making me a toxic individual.

Every relationship that I've been in leads me to other things that I find critical for a lasting romantic relationship. In this case, communication and the ability to get to know someone were at fail. These are pretty fundamental, even at the friendship level.

It was really hard for me to be the 'breaker-upper' since I've never really had to play that role before outright. Having to see someone's face when it's time... not so fun. Making a moment in time to actually go through the talk is also very difficult.

And you know what through me off? After I broke it off with him, I've felt the worst I've felt in a long time... even after I was broken up with by others. I shut down. Couldn't focus. Eventually I snapped out of it and didn't let it consume me or the relationships I have with friends.

Now I focus on the present. There are reasons why you have your friends. They're there for you through thick and thin. Through good and bad. And in my case, friendships always tend to last longer than romantic relationships. That's why I hold my friends so close to me.

The good news is that I'm on good terms with him. I've sat down and had lunch with him and tried to have a normal every day conversation with him. I knew he wouldn't want to ever discuss why things didn't work (he sent me a re-break-up email... as if it mattered). I still want to pursue a friendship because I still care for the guy.

Not to toot my own horn, but I was impressed at how mature I was throughout the whole ordeal. There were many moments I could have done something really stupid based on what I was presented. I think I'm getting too old for bullshit.

I want love. True love. Undeniably passionate and unconditional love. Maybe he's already on his way...