The first of whom , let's call him Mr. X, I met in the beginning of the summer '08. Mr. X is a guy I would place in the 'hot' category. Definitely in the upper echelon physically. We had our fun hanging out with each other both with friends and alone. I felt like I was putting in all the work, setting up dates and dinners, whereas he'd just accept. On top of that, he really can't communicate on a 1:1 basis. Nor would he open up about what was going on in his life. Most of his responses would be 5 words or less. So my friend Ty advised me to 'lay off' and see if he 'notices' me not being around. I took his advice --- and it took Mr. X two weeks to get proactive and send me a text without me being the one to initiate. It read something like: 'Hey How you been? Haven't heard from you in a while.'
Bammo. That's pretty much what I needed. Ty was like 'Fuck that shit.... you snooze you lose!' So that text pretty much answered my question of 'Hey I'm interested, but you really should be doing all the work still.' However, I'm now in the 'He can set up something if he wants, but I'm not putting in any more effort' mode.
So during those two weeks in October where Mr. X didn't proactively communicate with me, I met Mr. Y. I met Mr. Y in person at a club, just by random chance. What was interesting was that was the first time I went to a club in a while just to have fun with friends, with no intentions of checking people out for a date and whatnot. So I was in a really good mood because the music was fun and I was having a blast with people who surrounded me.
Truth be told, the moment I laid my eyes on Mr. Y, I thought, 'Who the hell is he?' in my head. He was what I would place in the 'Urban Adorable' category. He's not muscular in the way Mr. X was, but he had an urban style and a really cute face with a smile to match.
I noticed Mr. Y checking me out too in the corner of my eye. It would be one of those 'Look and then immediately turn your head so he doesn't notice me looking' kinda deals. We would both be dancing with our distinctive friend sets, as you do at clubs. We both were doing the eye glances to each other for a good 20 minutes before Mr. Y made the first introduction. I thought, 'Fuck, the dude actually came to me. That's a change. A proactive guy.'
We actually chatted and flirted for a good hour or so off in the corner away from both of our sets of friends. I'm pretty sure we were both sober, which was really refreshing, too. Around two hours into flirting, chatting and casually dancing with Mr. Y is when things got more interesting. That Hip Hop song that goes like 'Put your back into it, put your ass into it...' came on. I asked Mr. Y, 'Should I should follow directions?' =P He didn't oppose by any means. So we do a little grinding and dirty dancing. By the end of the evening we were making out. Mr. Y was a good kisser, too. I kinda didn't want the evening to end. (Not in that way, pervs). I would have wanted to chat a bit longer to get to know Mr. Y. We exchanged phone numbers.
He had to go back to the East Bay and I had to drive back down to the South Bay. I sent him a 'good night' text. Turns out he left his phone at his friends place, so I didn't hear from him for a while. He ended up getting a new fancy phone because his old one was decrepit. I asked to see this new fancy phone in person. (Ahem... setting up a date.)
Side note: I got near immediate feedback from Ty asking, 'Why they hell did it take 2 freaking hours to start grinding with Mr Y? We were all waiting for it to happen!' My answer: I'm shy. Plus, I'm not super aggresive in a club context. Back to the regularly scheduled program...
Let me tell you, that first date with Mr. Y took foreeeeeeever to get going. I would estimate a good month. In the meantime, we texted and chatted and whatnot. There were holidays and conflicting work/school schedules for a while. We've hung out a few times alone and in groups again. I've enjoyed every moment of it.
Strangely enough, people assumed we were an 'item' from the very beginning. I said 'I wasn't opposed' to him. Haha. But anyways, anytime I go out now people ask 'Where's Mr. Y?' or 'How are you and Mr. Y doing?' People are following us like a hawk apparently.
What I like about Mr. Y is that we met naturally (nothing felt forced) and I feel comfortable around him. I felt we clicked from the get go. Also, his friend set is completely different than mine, although, we both have met some of each others friends.
Ty doesn't want me to jump the gun. My problem now is balancing (1) Letting him know I'm interested and that I care with (2) Not overwhelming him. 'Mr. Y would be a dumbass if he didn't know you were interested,' exclaims Ty. Ty also wants me not to fall into the trap I had with Mr. X, where I was putting in all the effort and the other person wasn't setting up dates.
If you know me well, you're clued in that I'm not the most confident guy out there. That's due to a variety of reasons. When guys don't respond to me or get proactive, I start to really doubt myself and whether or not I'm worthy of a guy. It's sad, I know. I constantly feel like I'm playing a Mind Game.
My other friend Danny always proclaims, 'Why the hell aren't guys just straightforward? If you're interested, just say something! No one is fucking forward with anyone anymore in SF.'
Ty really wants me to just 'Chill.' He uses that term because I tend to freak out really quickly with guys. I really trust Ty because (1) He's Smart, (2) He's had multiple long term relationships, (3) He's not been single for over 3 years. Plus, he's kinda like a Celebrity in the Gay Community. He knows everyone.
Ty suggests a few things for me:
- Chill. Don't overanalyze. (I think it's nearly impossible for me)
- Get a hobby. I don't really have a solid one right now. I do 'things' but I really should have a solid hobby.
- If not a hobby, join an organization.
- Instead of worrying about Mr. Y, surround yourself with friends. They'll help you keep your mind of him.
- Have Mr. Y get proactive. If he snoozes, he loses.
- Date Multiple People at the Same Time. This one is particularly hard for me. Ty thinks it will then be survival of the fittest. I personally feel like I'm cheating. Well, mind cheating at the very least.
Not to toot my own horn or anything, but deep down I know I'm a great catch. Mr. Y just needs to get on it!
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