Smiling again

It's no secret if you've been around me for the past month (or even longer) that I haven't been the most jovial guy out there. I'm going through a fairly large rough spot in my personal life. In the end, I think I'm using this time for self reflection and self improvement which will in the end make me a stronger human.

Last week, specifically on Wednesday, I was feeling upbeat and energetic. I think I had this realization that I'm starting to remember who I am and most importantly, why I kick ass. It was also a great day because of a judge striking down Prop 8 in California. I also got to spend time with my BOLD intern Charleton. I later celebrated in the Castro with my roommates, Kevin and Michael. I don't think I've been that happy in a while.

Most importantly, I wasn't faking a smile or pretending to be happy. I was happy.

It was interesting because the next day I pinged my roommate Greg, who knows exactly what I'm going through right now in my personal life. He was like "I was just going to text you to tell you something. How funny." He was going to tell me that he doesn't even remember the last time he saw me happy. But the night prior he was really excited to see me truly happy.

It meant a lot for me to hear him say that. I know my mood affects those around me heavily. I don't want to be sad. I understand that I have to have a period of time to grieve. In some respects, I'm not quite done, but I'm definitely on the upswing. Most importantly, I'm smiling again.

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UCR, One of the Top Gay-friendly Schools in the US

I'm so proud of UCR! :) 

It's one of the gay friendliest campuses in the nation! It's one of 19 schools to earn a 5 star rating by CampusClimateIndex.org. It's one of only 3 UC Campuses (UCLA, UCB, UCR) to earn top marks. People often confuse thoughts on UCR vs. The City of Riverside in terms of being gay friendly and liberal. UCR is incredibly liberal. The City of Riverside swings conservative with pockets of liberalism around campus.

Carleton College; Humboldt State University; Ithaca College; Oberlin College; Oregon State University; Princeton University; San Diego State University; Syracuse University; Ohio State University; Pennsylvania State University; University of California, Berkeley; University of California, Los Angeles; University of California, Riverside; University of Maine, Farmington; University of Oregon; University of Pennsylvania; University of Southern California; University of Vermont; and Washington University in St. Louis.

More information on the Advocate: http://www.advocate.com/News/Daily_News/2010/08/04/UCLA,_Princeton_Top_Friendliest_Colleges_List/

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Random Bits from Today: Christmas in August, Meeting the Canary Girls & Nice Surprises

Christmas in August

I woke up this morning and arrived at work. I usually enter through the cafe doors and grab some breakfast. To my surprise, there were Christmas decorations all around. Trees, Snowmen, Santas, Tons of Red and Green decor, you name it! At first I was like, WTF, but I couldn't help but smile. It's weird because we've usually stayed neutral when it comes to Religious Holidays. I guess Santa on a the Beach isn't super religious.

They also had Christmas themed items for lunch like Turkey, Ham, Stuffing and Egg Nog, etc.

     

The Canary Girls

Canary Marketing is a company based out of Danville, CA that specializes in the creation of company swag. When I first started out at Google, I would often be the "Ra Ra" (Yay team spirit!) guy who'd order stuff like track jackets for team events or offsites. I developed an (email) relationship with Adrienne G., who was always awesome with hooking it up with new types of swag.

Anywho, I'd never met Adrienne in person before. But I heard from my coworker in HR, Megan, that Adrienne was stopping by for a meeting today. I went down and said hello and she was super awesome Super fun! I'm so glad I got to meet her in person after all of these years. She left me with a cool water bottle and a little Canary Flower, as pictured below. How sweet.

Sweet Surprises

I got into work this morning and there were snacks from the microkitchen at my desk. A bag of 100 calorie Kettle Chips and a small bag of M&M's. (BTW, I love them both. Well, I stay away from M&M's, but they're lovely.) At first I was confused. Who could have left that? Did they know I had a bad day yesterday and wanted to make me smile? With that seemingly small gesture, I couldn't help but smile.

I ran into my old teammate Kat during lunch and she mentioned that she was on my side of the building today. I had mentioned there were some random snacks on my desk. She was like "Oh... Michael and I had a meeting today on your side of the building. He left you those."

I pinged Michael just to say Hi and told him how sweet of a gesture that was. I like him a lot. He's such a genuine guy.

Anywho, here is the evidence:

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My Horoscope Today Is Horrifically Accurate

From Tarot.com // Libra

Relationships are important to you, yet now they are more significant than ever as you work through very deeply rooted issues. Your current expectations could come from lessons you learned in your childhood or even from remembering early family dynamics. Rediscovering your origins can clear the idealism from your current perspective that could set you up for disappointment. Try engaging in social activities without turning them into anything but the simple pleasures that they are.

I don't even know what to say about this. Seriously.

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The LA Retreat: ...Monday Reflections

Monday, July 26th, 2010:

I worked from home in LA. Specifically from my bed. I was still sore from running the 1st Half of the San Francisco Marathon the day prior. Damn those hilly hills... and lactic acid. Maybe I'll try what this guy did next time I do a half marathon. Okay, maybe not.

My Dad has Monday's off so we'd chit chat throughout the day when he wasn't running errands himself. In the early evening, my Dad BBQ'ed dinner for my Mom and had dinner ready for her around 5:30pm. I didn't eat with them (I was going to eat dinner later in the evening). I did sit with them, though. They like to eat dinner on the couch while watching a TV show. Not very often do they eat at the dinner table. So I watched TV with them while they were eating dinner. Even chit chatting and simply being in their presence was comforting and something I hadn't done in a while.

After that, I took a nap to help makeup for a lack of sleep the few days prior. That was really helpful.

Around 8pm I woke up, freshened up at drove myself to the Northridge Fashion Center (pretty much the cornerstone to my youth) to have dinner with my high school buddy, Laurence at 8:30pm. We ate at one of my favorite places in the Valley, Wood Ranch. It's a small American Barbecue chain that started out in Moorpark. They have delicious meats and sides... their Tri-Tip is especially bomb.

Laurence is an amazing guy. We hung out a lot in High School and occasionally in college since we went to universities that were relatively close to one another. He went to Cal Poly Pomona while I was at UC Riverside. When we were young(er), we'd get a group of guys together and shoot some hoops or play poker. I know, hard to believe. Being butch at its finest.

I've made several trips down to LA over the past few years but the two of us could never quite connect to see each other. We've been talking about working out together at 24 Hr. Fitness at the Sherman Oaks Galleria (like, you know, the center of the SFV) and grabbing a drink or meal together to catch up. I figured since I gave him a week notice and had a whole week down in LA, we're finally gonna make it happen!

... and we did. The last time we physically saw each other had to be around 2005/2006. It was one of those things where simply the act of hugging and shaking a hand meant the world to me. We've kept up with each other via social networking, the occasional phone call or email. But meeting in person, there's nothing like it. We discussed the current happenings in our lives... jobs, work, love life, family life, etc. We also took a trip down memory lane as well as filled in the gaps for the past 5 years.

We both ordered the Tri-Tip, got some drinks (he beer, me Mighty Leaf Tea) and we'd chit chat away. My phone was turned off and he had my complete attention. I'd listen and have a conversation just like I once had, pre-Facebook, Twitter, etc.

He's in bit of a rut when it comes to work, but he's accepted where he's at and has a future plan that involves Grad School. Most importantly he's learned to be happy with his current situation. He's also got some financial goals with paying down debt and has made some sacrifices in the meantime. He's also in HR for a Whole Foods store in the Valley. You know what's funny is that Laurence is sort of like the straight version of myself. He's a hopeless romantic, dreamer, very analytical (esp. when it comes to himself) etc. I always found that I could relate to him. Maybe that's why he's so easy to talk to.

When we got down to love life, the whole conversation of "leagues" came up. You know as in "She's out of my league." He randomly said, "Will, you're an 8.5. That means, you can pretty much get whatever you want." His reasoning is most people have the ability to get within 2. So an 8 could get a  6, 7, 8, 9 or 10 and not have it be super awkward.

He also always told me that he somewhat envies me and my situation. He thinks that I've always "hit it out of the park" when it comes to work, school, social life, etc.  I guess from an outside perspective I can see how he can think that but I'd tend to be more critical. However, that's usually the case. I think that conversation stemmed a whole discuss on risk-taking and why it usually pays off in the end even if you don't succeed.

Even though it had been 4 or 5 years since we'd last seen each other, it felt like yesterday. That's what good friendship is all about. I admire him for having his priorities straight and setting goals that he's out to accomplish.

We finished dinner around 10:30pm and we were kinda getting the boot from the wait staff. We wanted to then move to a local Starbucks but they were closed. Welcome to Suburbia on a Monday night. We decided to call it a night and workout on Thursday together.

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The LA Retreat: It's All About Me

Two weeks ago I had the idea that a trip to Los Angeles was in order. But not what I usually go for. I usually go for the gay clubbing at night, a special event or maybe catch up with a friend or two if I can squeeze it in within my usually 48 hours of allotted time. Of course I get to see the fam, but it isn't of that great of length.

This time around I had a purpose. A greater purpose. To catch up with friends and family that I really miss and hardly get to see. I also came down for "me time." This is all because this week is designed all about me. Not about you, but all about me. It's time to get a little bit selfish. I needed a bit of removal from the norm. I also needed a bit of time to think and get perspective. The long drive down and up would also be good for that. :) Truth be told, I can't remember the last time I took some time for myself. Most of my energy has been devoted to others. Now I can see why Mothers get so lost and forget who they really are.

The good thing about my job (recruiting) is that I can do it from anywhere as long as I don't have candidates to greet. And even still, I can get help with that from my recruiting coordinator. I can be in the office or work remotely and everything gets done. It's kind of amazing. I haven't really taken advantage of that until now. So I'm worked from LA Monday-Friday of this week and spent time with myself and loved ones in the evening. My boss was on board and supportive.

It's not like LA is known to be a retreat spot for anyone. The city resonates stress for the average person. But for me, it's home... no matter how much I struggle with that. I somehow find peace when sitting in traffic, driving all around the city, etc. LA is also a place where I find it easy to get things done. I know the San Fernando Valley (SFV or simply just The Valley) like the back of my hand and can get errands accomplished super easily.

And so now I'll recount the events that took place from Monday 26th to Sunday July 31st, or the nuggets I remembered, if you will, all with the purpose of making myself happy. Those will be in future posts.

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The one where I get a new manager (again)

My current manager, Jeff, whom I adore, invited me to a "catch up lunch" today.

We never have 1:1's with each other because he's as anti-meeting as possible. I kinda figured something was up when I saw the meeting invite pop up on my calendar somewhere in between 10am and 11am.

Well, Jeff focuses on recruiting for the product team at YouTube as well as general HR related tasks for the org. He never had a sales recruiting focus, which is where I lie. Original, he took me on as a reportee because the person who I would have reported to was in our European Offices. To have a new recruiter starting out who's never done the job before to report to someone who's half way around the world as well as not have sales recruiters around him, well, that's just kinda stupid. He fought to have me report to him instead of someone in the sales recruiting world. Technically, it was kind of a secret.

Well today, he sat me down at lunch and chit chatted about random stuff. I could then sense a slight uptick in the serious tone of the conversation, which is what I expected since we've never had a "calendar invited" lunch before. First, he said, "Well, you know, there is going to be someone taking over the org you recruit for. He's going to start being your direct manager sometime in the near future, probably September. It'll be good because he wants you to feel like you're part of a team and can get the support you need." Jeff and I shot the shit a bit more before he randomly inserted my performance review very informally... "Well, you did well... you were at <insert level/score> for the quarter. It was an improvement over the previous quarter." He gave me a quick suggestion in terms of what to focus on, but shaped in the form of a warning. "You weren't on top of this, whereas, I wouldn't care, but Brian (my new manager) will care about that more than I would." He also mentioned, "You'll be compared against people in the sales recruiting world now, not the people who report to me."

Jeff's always looking out for my best interest, which i totally appreciate. I can still come to him for guidance. I'm going to be honest, he's connected like Jesus internally. He knows everyone. He knows who to talk to get things done and go through hoops if needed. I'm going to miss having that, but Jeff said he'll still be there for me to break down barriers.

I'm sort of feeling torn right now. Jeff tried to ease the pain by letting me know that Brian actually took over for him in his last role and he's an awesome guy. I feel like Jeff has been an awesome mentor, whom I can still look for guidance in, but I won't report to anymore. Brian, will be in New York, so I won't have very much contact with him in person.

Jeff was quick to highlight, "I'm sure Brian's going to want you to visit New York more." He totally knew that would make me feel better. Travel on the company dime always does.

We ended the lunch talking about more random shit. The lunch was about an hour in length. I talked to him about some random movies I had watched over the weekend, including Long Time Companion and The Celluloid Closet. Both of which were fantastic LGBT focused films. He ended by showing me a photo of Kevin, his partner. I asked him to show me a photo because I've always heard his name, but never knew what he looked like.

We walked back to our desk and I asked Jeff, "So was that lunch to take the place of my performance review? Is it because you don't like formal meetings?" He was like "Yea, who needs 'em?"

And so I go back into the world of formality after a 5 month long escape from it. In the end there will be benefits to moving to a new manager. I'm sure I'll have clearer goals, more of a feeling of a being part of a "team," and well, a chance to possibly travel.

In my nearly 5 years at Google, I must now add Jeff to my long list of GOOG Managers:

• Dara - AdWords Temp Manager (Mountain View)
• Matt - AdWords Tier 3 Manager (Mountain View)
• Megan - AdWords Phone Team Manager (Mountain View)
• Tolu - AdWords Workflow Manager (Mountain View)
• Bethany - AdWords Quality/Workflow Manager (Ann Arbor)
• Maeve - AdWords Quality Team Manager (Mountain View)
• Tom - YouTube OSO Ads Manager/Director (San Bruno)
• Doug - YouTube OSO Ads Manager (San Bruno)
• Jeff - YouTube Recruiting Manager (San Bruno)
• Brian - YouTube/Google Sales Recruiting Manager (San Bruno, based out of NYC)

I think Jeff's support and guidance single handedly kept me working at the GOOG rather than quitting or taking a break. I hit my career quarter life crisis right before he was my manager. He reminded me of why it's such an amazing company to work for.

One thing I think Jeff could be better at is long term career guidance. I hope to get a little bit of that from Brian. I think it's because Jeff is used to working with fairly seasoned recruiters who know what they want and need. I'm still looking for that guidance and support. It's also my responsibility to bring it up. I've been pretty much living in the now, though.

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Not to toot my own horn...

But having and executing on this idea was probably the smartest thing I've done in a while. I'll write plenty more later on the idea.

It's paying off in terms of my sanity immensely. More to come...

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The random compliment by my dentist

So the last time I saw my dentist was 2 year ago around this time in 2008. She's been my dentist since I was a weeee child.

I had my dental checkup on Tuesday and my mom just had hers today. After she was finished she decided to call me on my cell phone and tell me something. Something that most moms probably wouldn't bother transferring.

Me: <cell phone rings> Hi Mom. What's up?
Mom: I just finished my dental appointment. I just wanted to let you know that your dentist thinks you're devastatingly handsome. Even more gorgeous than the last time she saw you. And you were hot then too.
Me: Oh really? That's so sweet of her to say. I don't really believe it.
Mom: You should. And your Mom thinks so too. And <your dentist> is a straight middle aged female. I know it's not what you're going for but still. You've got to remember you and your friends are probably super picky and you forget what good-looking people look like. Your senses are all out of whack. But you gotta know you're a hottie.
Me: This just feels weird coming from you. But it's super sweet. I guess Mom's (and dentists) don't lie.
Mom: Yea. You've got to remember that you're usually around attractive people. And you probably forget that the average person doesn't even compare to the way you look. You should be really proud.
Me: <blushes>

Leave it to my mom and dentist to lift my self esteem. ;)

I also forgot to mention my dentist thinks I have amazing teeth, too. Especially given the fact that I've never had braces ever. I've always thought so too. I'm trying to keep better care of them than I usually do. I do admit I like my pearly whites.

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Are you looking for someone?

This video is hilarious. It's an 80's Dating Montage video. It sorta reminds me of all the ridiculous dudes on Chuck Woolery's "Love Connection."

Dating Montage
Uploaded by smithy00101. - Sitcom, sketch, and standup comedy videos.

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What You're Really Doing At Work

via google.com

This was taken from AllFacebook.com. JESS3, an ad agency, posted this on their website. Kinda fun and true-ish.

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Retreating

I've escaped the fog and overcast weather of San Francisco only to be greeted by the same in my current location.

Oh, such a big tease you are.

Anywho, with one mission complete (which I'm uber proud of myself for), I'm on to another.

I still have loads and loads to write about. Oh time, I hope you're on my side.

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CD Mixing

Music and discovering new tunes is a big passion of mine. I love the art of discovering new music as well as introducing others to something they haven't heard. I'm sure it's the same feeling a DJ gets when spinning at a club.

Since I commute, go to the gym, etc, I always have music playing. What most people don't know is that I prepare a "Car Mix CD" a few times a month for my commute. I don't have an iPod adapter for my car and the radio frequency adapters blow. Plus, I like having a limited 80 minutes to work with when I burn a CD. I keep it old school like that I guess. Maybe I'll get a fancy car audio system when I replace my nearly 10 year old Honda Civic.

This is what I have banging on my car mix CD for July (which has been edited a few times this month):

1. Teenage Dream - Katy Perry
2. 2012 (feat. Nicki Minaj) - Jay Sean
3. Something 'Bout Love - David Archuleta
4. For The First Time - The Script
5. Get Outta My Way - Kylie Minogue
6. DJ Got Us Falling In Love (feat. Pitbull) - Usher
7. Lovekiller - Darin
8. Too Late For Lovers - Gin Wigmore
9. You Lost Me (Hex Hector Mac Quayle Radio Edit) - Christina Aguilera
10. Alejandro (Dave Aude Radio Mix) - Lady Gaga
11. I Need a Girl (feat. G-dragon) - Taeyang
12. Dynamite (Mixin Marc Remix Radio Edit) - Taio Cruz
13. Sooner or Later - Michelle Branch
14. Push That Knot Away - KT Tunstall
15. Karaoke - Drake
16. You Look Better When I'm Drunk - The White Tie Affair
17. Somebody To Love (feat. Usher) - Justin Bieber
18. Won't Go Quietly - Example
19. Missing You (Cahill Radio Edit) - The Saturdays
20. Start Again (feat. Becky Jean Williams) - Kaskade
21. What You Get (Original Radio Long Edit) - Junior Caldera

As you can see, my music taste is super varied. Pop, Hip Hop, Folk, Rock, Kpop, Britpop, Dance, Remixes, etc.

 

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What It's Like Getting Tested

I've been trying to be regular about getting tested, since I'm a sexually active adult. You should get tested every 3 months. It just so happens I'm not as regular as I'd like in that sense.

Today, I went with a friend to get tested. The last time I was tested was in late January. After that I was dating one person. I haven't been super sexually active since my last visit, but I still wanted to be safe since I did engage in somewhat risky behavior.

The SF City Clinic is my location of choice. It's kinda like a DMV experience but with nicer people, colorful murals and they touch your balls. They also had The Wiz playing for our enjoyment today. I usually bring a book and observe the interesting crowd that visits the clinic.

In terms of clinicians, they're usually volunteers. (RN's, students at UCSF, etc.) Today I had this somewhat less-friendly Russian or some other Eastern European country of descent woman. She was a bit cold but also this was the first time they used a computer to track information vs. on paper.

I usually like the older grey curly haired woman. She's awesome. I haven't had her in a while though.

The Experience:

1. Go In.
2. They Give You A Number and you wait in the DMV style waiting room.
3. They call your number and ask why you're visiting. They register you and you make a $10 if you can afford to do so.
4. You Wait. Watch The Wiz and people watch for like 30-45 minutes. Bring a book or mag if you choose.
5. They call your number.
6. The volunteer clinician brings you to a room and asks you about your sexual activity for the last year but concentrating on the last 3 months. Think "Do you have sex with men or women or both?" "Have you had sex with people who take drugs?" "Have You Had Unprotected Sex?" "Are you strictly top or bottom?" "Have you paid for sex?" "Have you had sex with people you've met online?" "Have you traveled in the last month and had sex abroad?"
7. The volunteer clinician asks you to drop your pants. They will then administer tests based on your activity.
8. The volunteer clinician tells you what tests they will perform and then he/she asks you to pee in a cup in the bathroom.
9. You wait in the waiting room.
10. They call your number, they administer blood tests and your give your urine sample to the volunteer. If you get a rapid HIV test (done on a sexually risky behavior basis) you wait for another 20 minutes. This test is based on antibodies and isn't super accurate based on activity in the past couple of months. They also draw blood for an RNA test, for which you will also get the results a few weeks from now.
11. You leave the blood test room.
12. They give you goodies (condoms, lube) if you like.
13. You leave. They may make an appointment for you in a few weeks to give you results if you need to come back in. Otherwise you can check your results online.

Expect the experience to be around 2 hours or more since it's low cost and done on a small budget. Easy Breezy.

Now you can ease on down the road to getting tested...

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Giving It A Shot

I'm trying a new(ish) blogging platform, which also marks my return to blogging. I'm de-emphasizing social networking in favor of reflecting.

I'm starting to use Posterous. It's a nice blend of ease, access and community. A former co-worker's boyfriend is one of the co-founders. So I know it's legit and got a lot of soul in it. :) On top of that, there are tons of cool features explained in their FAQ.

Best of all, if you're sentimental, you can import your old blog (Livejournal, Blogger, Ning, Tumblr, Xanga, Typepad, Wordpress, etc.) as well. This is pretty much what sold me. Cool stuff. They have a "switch" campaign that lets you know why you should make the move to posterous.

Want to follow me? willk.posterous.com