The Relation Between Racial Attraction & Weight Loss

There are so many topics I feel I can write about dealing with achieving a major weight loss. I probably should just make time to write a book about it.

One of the more intriguing and controversial has to deal with the gay racial hierarchy of perceived attractiveness. Whether we like to believe it or not, there is definitely a social hierarchy revolving around race in the gay community. Perceived physical attractiveness in the gay community has many factors --- one among them being race. Some might throw in masculinity, muscle build or height/weight ratio.

People can argue different points or opinions on the subject, but I'm going to present you what I feel is a pretty good correlation between my weight loss and the point in time a particular race found me attractive.

Here goes it:

~ 300 lbs --> Black Guys and Overweight guys found me attractive.
~ 250 lbs --> Latino Guys found me attractive
~ 200 lbs --> Asian Guys found me attractive
~ 175-180 lbs (Present) --> White Guys found me attractive.

This is not to say that Asian, Black or Latino guys now don't currently find me attractive, but it's at a certain point where there was clearly more interest from White guys.

Ty told me about a study he did in college about race and the gay community --- we both kind of agree about the underlying racial hierarchy in the gay community. There are obviously more races than those listed above. There are also subcategories of race... e.g. Vietnamese vs. Chinese that have some untold hierarchy in the gay community.

This observation was definitely more of an afterthought than something I noticed at the time it was happening. I find it intriguing and it's something I wouldn't mind doing more research on.

When dating doesn't work out: The Mr. Y aftermath

So I really never wrote about this, but me and Mr. Y had a conversation after Christmas about how I felt about him. I really wanted to date Mr. Y but at one point in my heart of hearts I realized he wasn't interested. This was probably around early December. I of course didn't want to believe this so I kept my pursuit on.

My heart needed a concrete answer to more forward either way. How it all went down as far as me telling Mr. Y that I liked him and was interested in something beyond friendship was kinda amusing. Mr. Y told my friend Ty that he wasn't interested in dating me one night while we were clubbing with friends. Ultimately Mr. Y knew he would have to tell me in person how he felt too.

In the meantime, I didn't know this and decided to set up a coffee convo with Mr. Y to let him know how I felt about him. At first I was kind of surprised he agreed because Mr. Y was a bit stand-off-ish the prior evening when we hung out with our group of friends in LA. I give Ty a call to let him know what I was going to do and also just asked him to recap the previous night because I was so drunk I blacked out much of the evening (First time, ever, mind you.) Side Note: To be completely honest, I decided to drink because I knew Mr. Y wasn't interested and I just wanted to have fun. Apparently I'm a cheap date and my tolerance is uber low.

I digress. So Ty and I have a phone conversation where he was like '3 things happened last night, two of which you should be proud of --- but there is a bit of bad news.' I wasn't entirely sure what was about to come. Ty broke it down at first and started with the two positives:

• You met Anthony and there seems to be mutual interest.
• You made out with Chris. (Really, I didn't want that at all... not entirely sure how that happened... oh wait, it was the alcohol.) Chris asked me out on a date the next day.

Then Ty was like I have some bad news. At this point, I kinda knew what would be coming.

• He said Mr. Y and him stepped outside the club last night. Mr. Y told Ty that there was no interest on his end.

My initial reaction of the rejection when Ty told me was one of anger and disappointment, then sadness came in. Ty was really impressive with helping me through the bad news. He was really supportive.

Fast forward back to the day after when a coffee date was scheduled. I get a hold of Mr. Y on the phone to set up deets of the coffee excursion. I pretty much start off by letting him know that Ty told me everything they talked about the night prior but I still think we should meet in person to discuss everything and clear it up. It was sorta nice because now I knew going into the convo what was going to happen. Instead of the original scenario, where I knew nothing and woulda looked like a fool being shocked upon rejection, I knew walking into the coffee talk that I would be rejected.

Mr. Y and I hung out in Old Town Pasadena, grabbed some Tea/Coffee at Cafe Alibi and chatted outside in their garden. The conversation was very interesting and heartfelt. I upfront set up the expectations that I expect nothing but honesty to come out of this and I prefer the truth over anything sugarcoated. That evening was the closest I felt to Mr. Y ever. Ironic how a rejection conversation brings you closer as friends.

I let him know that I appreciated that he took the time out to chat when we both were winding down our holiday vacation stay in LA when time was a bit precious with friends and family.

He let me know that 'As cheesy as this sounds, I don't want to lose you as a friend.' Mr. Y cheered me up and we both decided to stroll a bit longer in Old Town because 'Fuck, we paid for parking!'

We went to a book store and checked out the Sexstrology book I had referenced prior in the afternoon. We both got a good laugh.

I let Mr. Y know that It's going to take a while for my feelings to subside, but I'm cool with being friends. Often times people say 'Let's be friends' when the really mean, "Um, I actually don't want to make the time for you, but It sounds better if I say 'Let's Be Friends!"

Ultimately I feel comfortable telling Mr. Y things I notice, even if I feel he may think it's awkward. I let him know I noticed he was avoiding dancing with me if we ever went out clubbing. I think subconsciously so was I, so no feelings would come back.

The best part about the whole thing is that we have a stronger friendship in comparison to anything we had while we were dating (for lack of a better word because I'm sure he'll say we never really dated... but whatevs).

Even though I've only know Mr. Y since October '08, I feel really comfortable around him to tell him anything that's on my mind. Occasionally we're both silent after we say something to each other and we're unsure of what the other is thinking, but I'm amused by that.

One of the best things is that Mr. Y lets me know he's thankful he has me as a good friend. I let him know the same...

Getting over guys

I haven't been in long enough of a relationship to know what it feels like to get over a guy. If I get rejected or something fizzles, it usually takes me about 3 weeks to a month to re-coop and adjust.

I've only had 3ish month relationships, so I'm not sure how I would handle a breakup of a year +. I often have to sympathize with friends who've been in 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 year relationships when they end. I'm sure it's no fun. In many of those cases, I feel like you're gonna need at least a year to recoop to feel like you're ready for another relationship.

I'm not quite sure I envy the feeling of friends who've gone through this, but even my short stints of having to get over a guy hurts. I can only imagine the pain my friends have gone through when they have a breakup of long term relationship.

What I do know is that if there is one side with feelings, it's probably best to not be in contact with your ex. It's like a constant reminder of what could have been. Sure, people say 'Oh... we can make being friends work out.' I beg to differ when the breakup is over a long term relationship when one side still has feelings. It's not to say down the road when both sides are more healthy that it's not possible to be friends.

In particular it's really hard to give the above advice (re: cut off contact) to friends who've had long-term relationship breakups. It's not what they want to hear. But I think it's the best solution and what the doctor would order...

Engagement

So one of my best friends, Jonathan, just got engaged according to Facebook. We go way back --- grade school but became really close in High School.

I'm not entirely certain what I'm supposed to feel, other than happy and congratulate him. He deserves to be really happy after all he's been through in his life.

I haven't seen him in a while --- mainly because he's been attached like no other to the girl he just got engaged to.

So out of the High School 4 (Me, Jonathan, Angelo and Sherif) --- Jonathan gets engaged first. Congrats!

Mariah

So last night at dinner at Fresca in Noe Valley, Joshua asked 'What's your favorite Mariah song?' to Jared and I.

I responded 'Pre or Post Meltdown?' He said it was all fair game. I responded instantly with 'Hero.'

That song for me is Mariah at her prime. As a kid, I thought she was amazing. That song in particular always gives me chills.

Turns out she re-recorded Hero for a new album called 'Ballads.' I think this version is a bit weaker, but still solid.

See the video here:

Inspiration for creativity

The great thing about taking a trip to New York is that it inspired a bit of creativity in me. The city has a way of making people think, observe and thrive.

I'm glad I made a decision on a whim to go to NYC with Ty and Paul. I had a lot of fun shopping, dining, roaming, meeting new people, seeing a broadway show, meeting up with old friends and working from Google's Chelsea Office.

I have a whole new wardrobe --- shoes to outerwear. Expect a Will with a bit more urban flavor.

Back to The Bay Area. I miss thee.

Post Vacation

So I'm still in NYC working from the Google Office here. I head back to the Bay Area on Thursday.

This is pretty much how I'm going to feel...